13 Proven Methods To Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen
"Every outcome has its cause, and every problem has different solutions." ~ Charlotte Koh
Founder and Director, Effective Learning Singapore
Johns Hopkins University (PhD, Education)
Teenage Problems And Solutions | Teenage Problems With Parents | Parents And Teenager Relationship | How To Deal With Family Problems | Parental Influence On Child Development In Singapore
13 Proven Methods To Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen
Due to the unique situations of each child and each parent, the rankings of these insights into the ambitions and behaviors of teenagers do not appear in any particular order of priority.
The editorial and writing staff at Effective Learning Singapore work hard to give our readers a range of options while remaining neutral, unbiased, and transparent.
Our posts reflect a variety of viewpoints and life experiences because our ages range from 22 to 50.
We are regular individuals like you who want to improve our quality of life, have more fun, be more productive, and accomplish our goals.
And now we’re here to share the information and insights we learned!
1. Establish a relationship of trust
2. Recognize and understand what they are going through
7. Communicate your expectations of your family’s behavior and communication
8. Pay attention to how your child is acting and how you feel about it
10. Help your child cope with exam anxiety
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Teenagers behave very differently at ages 13 and at 19 compared to at other ages.
But because it happens so gradually, you might not even notice as your teen matures before your very eyes.
Teenagers who are thirteen years old are entering the teenage years, leaving behind childhood, and completing one stage of life.
The adjustment to maturity is difficult, as 19-year-olds have recently discovered.
Your child is no longer just thinking about their own life between the ages of 13 and 19.
They are beginning to think about how the world functions as a whole and how their existence fits into it.
Teenage years are characterized by change.
Adolescence is a time of rapid development for your child’s brain as well as the visible physical changes.
The frontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for self-control, does not fully develop until well into the twenties or thirties.
This means that self-management and decision-making might be difficult for teenagers.
Numerous demands and expectations at home, at school, and among friends accompany all of this.
Teenagers in some cases seem to handle most situations with ease.
Others may experience worry, uneasiness, and confusion during this period.
Teenagers may not always be able to explain their behavior or let you know what’s wrong since they themselves may not fully understand why they are acting the way they are.
Neuroscientist Jay Giedd of the US National Institute of Mental Health states that gray matter in the brain increases throughout childhood and reaches its peak around the time of puberty.
Gray matter thins after that peak as unused and undesirable cells are destroyed.
The “use it or lose it” principle, as described by Giedd, states that while cells that are being used flourish, those that are not being pruned.
During this process, the brain shapes itself into a more compact but effective organ in a manner akin to carving.
Between puberty and the time when their brain is fully matured, typically in their early to mid-20s, your adolescent will experience a lot of ups and downs.
Therefore, be prepared to observe your adolescent trying to become more independent at a rate that is faster than they can handle.
Positive communication and close family relationships are the foundation of good behavior in preteens and teenagers. This establishes the framework for positively influencing your child’s behavior.
Here are some helpful hints for putting this into practice.
You can encourage your adolescent to act favourably by using these suggestions:
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1. Establish a relationship of trust
Any partnership needs trust to succeed.
You need to gain your teen’s trust if you want them to listen to you or take what you say seriously.
Maintain an open communication with each other and share crucial details about your life and career.
When your teen sees that you trust him, he will be more willing to open up to you about his life.
Building a close relationship with your child is best done when she is in nursery or kindergarten.
Your friendship with her will stay warm and trusted when she gets older when you have been developing a strong relationship throughout her early years.
Additionally, you should express interest in what they are going through and recognize their accomplishments.
Active listening involves paying close attention to your child’s words and body language while they are speaking to you.
This enables you to pay attention to your child’s feelings and thoughts.
Additionally, it demonstrates to your child your concern and interest in them.
It would also improve your relationship with them as teenagers if you encouraged good eating, regular exercise, and enough sleep when they were in nursery and kindergarten.
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2. Recognize and understand what they are going through
Keep in mind that you were once a teen.
No matter how irrational your teen’s actions may appear to you, try to put yourself in their shoes.
Put yourself in their position to gain an understanding of it.
They will feel noticed and will be more willing to freely express their feelings, ideas, and opinions when you reflect their feelings.
Even though you have more life experience, telling your child what to do won’t likely get their attention just because you are the more experienced person.
You might need to first spend some time actively listening to your child if you want them to pay attention to you.
Nagging probably won’t have much of an impact. Your anger may grow as a result, and your child is likely to lose interest.
Choose your battles with your adolescent.
Before you argue with your child over their behavior, consider whether it is actually important, and asking yourself, “Is this truly worth fighting over?”
Less negative feedback reduces the likelihood of conflict and negative emotions.
They will stop listening if all they ever hear from you is complaints.
When you need to negotiate – or stand firm – with them on important topics, including their job and academic choices, your decision to not fight over other trivial matters such as the clothes they wear, may result in you still being able to talk rationally and calmly to each other.
Almost certainly, using sarcasm will lead to resentment and widen the gap between you and your child.
Your teen will appreciate that you have been compassionately hearing their worries and letting your adolescent talk without interruption.
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3. Appreciate them
Do you want your adolescent to appreciate all the things you have been doing for him?
Appreciating them will help them learn about it.
Resorting to intimidation and fear will not lead them to appreciate you.
Appreciate their individuality, thoughts, opinions, and feelings by setting a positive example.
Most importantly, avoid trivializing or criticizing their views or opinions in front of their friends or even privately because doing so could make them feel uneasy.
When you treat your children with respect, they will return the favor by treating you with respect.
Parents or teenagers rarely win arguments.
We might say things we don’t mean while we’re upset.
Giving yourself and your child some time to cool down is a better strategy.
It will be challenging to have a calm conversation about what you expect of your child if you are furious or in the midst of an argument.
Telling your child that you want to chat and setting a time for the conversation is a more successful strategy.
Being defensive is almost never helpful.
Make an effort not to personalize things.
It could be beneficial to remind yourself that your child is developing and attempting to take responsibility for themselves.
A disagreement with a friend, an impending test, or the perception that they are not dressed appropriately are just a few examples of stressful or worrying circumstances that can sometimes also be the cause of challenging behaviors.
Even the most patient parents can struggle with teenagers.
It can feel as though your teenager is going to push you over the edge when you are already under a lot of stress from other factors in your life, such as other children, work, relationships, family obligations, or illness.
Try to take a step back and keep in mind that your adolescent’s challenging behavior may be due to physiological factors.
Your teenager is probably not enjoying the fights they are having with you, either.
If your child is otherwise acting appropriately, try to avoid initiating arguments.
You can also ignore insignificant actions by them like shrugs or eye rolling.
Encourage them to discuss their feelings or issues while checking to see if they are unusually agitated or anxious.
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4. Be helpful
The majority of teenagers are self-sufficient and may not require your assistance.
However, it’s crucial to let them know that you’re available to assist them if they do.
Some teenagers can believe that they must do everything on their own and regard asking for help as a sign of weakness.
Help your children realize that not everyone is capable of doing everything and that it’s alright to occasionally ask for assistance.
Alternately, you could ask for their assistance in your own tasks to make them feel included.
They will ask for assistance from you if they see you asking for it.
Work through issues with your adolescent while first asking whether they’d be interested in hearing your viewpoint or advice.
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5. Let them know you care
Your adolescent children might not seem to want to hang out with you.
Or, they might appear to find everything you say or do to be annoying.
Your teenager can see your strictness and discipline as hostility toward them, and think that your goal is to make their lives as miserable as possible.
By demonstrating your concern, you can keep your adolescent from forming bad feelings for you.
Tell them you love them and take small steps to brighten their day.
Demonstrate that you care about them.
For the times when kids truly need to communicate to you, this will help keep the lines of communication open.
Another reliable adult may be able to help your child if there is a lot of conflict between you and them. This might lessen the pressure and conflict.
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6. Set an example
Try to act and speak like you would like your child to act and speak to you while you are with them.
For instance, if you frequently curse, your child can find it difficult to comprehend why it is inappropriate for them to do the same.
It’s helpful to keep in mind that your actions can make an aggressive scenario better or worse, so it’s critical to set a positive example for your kid.
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7. Communicate your expectations of your family's behavior and communication
For instance, you could remark, “In our family, we speak respectfully. This implies that we are not rude to each other.”
Engaging your youngster in discussions about the rules is a smart approach.
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8. Pay attention to how your child is acting and how you feel about it
Avoid making any remarks regarding the personality or character of your child.
Try something like, “I feel sad when you speak to me like that,” rather than, “You’re disrespectful.”
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9. Take care of yourself
Allow yourself to unwind or occasionally rewarding yourself.
Join a support group or forum, talk to your partner or friends about your worries.
Learn coping mechanisms for anxiety, depression, and poor mood.
Speak with a doctor if you’re worried that you’re too stressed, anxious, or depressed.
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10. Help your child cope with exam anxiety
For teenagers and their parents or caregivers, tests and exams can be a difficult aspect of the school experience. There are, however, techniques to reduce stress.
Recognize the indicators of stress.
Young individuals who are under stress may:
A. Be very anxious
B. Feel troubled
C. Experience headaches and stomachaches
D. Have trouble sleeping
E. Become angry
F. Lose interest in food or consume more than usual
G. Stop enjoying activities they used to enjoy
H. Be pessimistic and depressed
I have no hope for the future
It can be beneficial to talk to someone about their work.
Sharing their concerns and maintaining perspective can be made easier for young people with support from a parent, instructor, or study partner.
Encourage your child to speak with a school staff member they see as being supportive.
It could also be beneficial for you to speak with your child’s teachers if you believe they are struggling.
As much as you can, involve your child.
Making ensuring your teenager eats well is also crucial.
A healthy, balanced diet is essential for your child’s wellbeing and can support their wellbeing during exam time.
High-fat, high-sugar, and high-caffeine meals and beverages including energy drinks, cola, candies, chocolate, burgers, and chips, according to some parents, might cause their kids to act hyperactive, angry, and grumpy.
Include your child in the food buying process whenever possible, and encourage them to select some wholesome snacks.
Encourage your child to get enough rest.
Adequate sleep enhances mental alertness when studying or at school.
Teenagers often require 8 to 10 hours of sleep every night.
To assist your child obtain a good night’s sleep, give them about 30 minutes to wind down between studying, watching TV, or using the computer and going to bed.
Typically, it is not a good idea to study all night before a test.
Sleep is much more beneficial to your child than a quick burst of frantic last-minute study.
Be accommodating during test season.
Do not nag your teenager about messy bedrooms or unfinished domestic tasks when they are studying all day.
Being calm oneself can be beneficial. Keep in mind that tests are not permanent.
Make sure your child has a relaxing study space.
Find out how you may help them with their revision by asking them.
Help them come up with practical revision strategies, including creating a revision timetable or obtaining old exams to practice on.
Encourage your child to consider their life objectives and consider how their revision and tests relate to them in order to drive them.
Remind your child that feeling anxious is normal.
Exam anxiety is a typical response.
The important thing is to use that nervousness to their advantage.
Encourage your child to practice the tasks they will complete on test day itself, if anxiousness is hindering them rather than helping.
This will make it seem less threatening.
This can involve seeing the exam room beforehand or completing practice papers under exam settings, for instance.
Instead of avoiding these activities, encourage your child to face their concerns and complete them.
To assist them feel more confident, remind them of what they already know and the time they have spent studying.
Exercise can improve mood, calm the mind, and reduce stress.
Walking, cycling, swimming, playing football, and dancing are all effective exercises.
Activities with other individuals can be especially beneficial.
Many youngsters who contact counselors report feeling that their families are the source of the most pressure during exam time.
Children need assistance, so listen to them, avoid criticizing them.
Be comforting and upbeat prior to their test or exam.
Inform them that failing does not spell doom.
If things don’t work out, they could be eligible to retake the test.
Encourage your child to discuss their results with you after each assessment.
Instead of concentrating on the questions they found challenging, talk about the aspects that went well.
Move on and concentrate on other upcoming tests instead of concentrating on things that cannot be altered.
Together with your child, choose rewards for studying and passing each exam.
Rewards do not have to be expensive. or extravagant.
Simple activities like cooking their favorite dish or watching TV can be included.
Help your child enjoy the end of the tests by planning an end-of-exam treat.
When examinations are finished, some teenagers feel significantly better, but not all teenagers do.
If your child’s anxiety or depression is severe, persistent, or affecting their daily life, seek treatment.
A good place to start is by visiting a doctor.
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Our readers to go their own doctors, counsellors, and professors when they are seeking further information
11. Give your teenager responsibility
One of adolescence’s toughest problems and a crucial step on the road to adulthood is learning to manage responsibility.
Giving your child some autonomy and freedom in specific areas, such as letting them pick their own clothes or haircut, can boost their independence and autonomy.
Additionally, it can help you in avoiding disputes over trivial matters.
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12. Give your child praise
Encouragement and descriptive praise are effective motivators.
When you acknowledge and praise your child’s wise decisions and admirable behavior, you inspire them to continue acting in such ways.
Just keep in mind that adolescents frequently prefer you to compliment them in private rather than in front of their peers.
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13. Learn to accept mistakes
Nobody is perfect, and everybody makes mistakes.
It all depends on how you handle errors when they occur, whether they are yours or those of your child.
Accepting responsibility for mistakes is a good step, and your next course of action can be to determine what you can do to improve the situation.
It’s important to express your apologies to your child when you mess up in order to maintain a positive relationship.
It’s likely that occasionally your youngster will err and break the rules.
Teenagers are still figuring out who they are, and their minds are continuously developing.
Being realistic about your child’s behavior is helpful because testing boundaries is a necessary part of the process.
Teenage years are challenging.
Teenagers are still feeling powerless and constrained by rules and schedules even if they are gaining a sense of who they are.
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Summary
Bring up any substantial changes in your teen’s conduct with them without making it sound like they are to blame.
Teenagers may struggle with self-control and decision-making because the frontal cortex, the area of the brain involved in self-control, doesn’t fully develop until well into adulthood.
However, more frequently, the causes are rather typical life situations, anxieties, and pressures, which can still be extremely upsetting for a particular adolescent.
Last but not least, be sure to talk about the future.
After all, teenagers will either be starting a new career, attending college, or possibly joining the military in a matter of short years.
Make sure to discuss all of their options with them in detail.
Although there isn’t a single path in a teen’s future life that is “ideal,” your child may require help considering all of their possibilities.
Keep in mind that young adulthood is quickly approaching, and you want your child to be ready for it.
While they are still living under your careful eye, assist them in learning important life lessons.
For instance, be sure that they are capable of doing their own laundry, cooking basic meals, and managing a budget.
Relationships with teenagers management is not a complicated science.
Teenagers will be better able to handle challenging situations if they develop resilience and coping mechanisms.
Building resilience requires time spent with your child and solid, supportive relationships.
If you’re willing to be understanding, patient, and work with your adolescent, you can have a good relationship with them.
It’s crucial to take care of oneself as well.
You’ll be able to better address the demands of your child if you’re controlling your stress and taking care of yourself.
Parents of other teenagers can also be a fantastic source of support, as can friends and family.
Knowing that your teen craves your love and support, even if they don’t express it, might help you build a stronger bond with them.
If it seems that your other children, your job, or your hobbies are more important to you than they are, they could start to feel ignored.
They will behave worse if they feel this way.
Decide on a regular time to spend with your adolescent and make sure they are available throughout that period.
Take advantage of these chances to demonstrate your concern for your teen’s interests and activities.
Both the parent-teen relationship and your teen’s self-confidence and self-esteem will advance with time.
Spending time together can be inexpensive.
To show that you like spending time with your teen, all it takes is a neighborhood stroll or an afternoon spent getting ice cream.
Additionally, be careful not to lecture or badger your child during this quality time; instead, it should be something you both look forward to.
The adolescent years are an essential time for development.
Although it may not always go smoothly, you certainly agree that having a positive relationship with one’s parents is best for teenagers.
In order to achieve this, parents must develop new ways to interact and communicate with their teenagers while also being somewhat forgiving of their conduct.
It can be difficult to manage teenage attitude.
Start putting the advice in this article to use, and keep at it.
Your relationship with your teen will also get better over time as your home life becomes more amicable.
Beginning today!
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